Only I can help me

aka
my mental health journey

Intro

What became my turning point

I simply hit peak frustration.

I was thirty-five years old,

unemployed,

single and platonic,

lacking friends in town,

and dealing with a raising rent.

Although I grew up with everything one could wish for, I found myself staying barely afloat by the occasional barista gig and the rare casual relationship.

I felt I've been slamming against the same brick wall over the past 10 years, and I've had enough.

However, giving up didn't feel fair towards my family, who invested so much love and energy in me over the years. They deserve so much better.

So I rang up two good friends and consulted with them.

Understandably, they were rather stumped, and unable to offer meaningful wisdom that soothed my sentiment. But they were there, and they listened.

My immense frustration was a result of my issues and patterns I felt stuck in. So I concluded that something had to change in a significant way.

In a heart-to-heart conversation with a friend, they shared with me that they started dealing with their own mental issues once realizing that they are alone and no one else is coming to their aid.

I initially found it a dark point of view, but ended up adopting a version of this approach.

While I don't believe we are ever alone, I accept that it is only up to me to own and lead the effort to change. And only once I set the course, I can then rely on people to be there for me and support my efforts.

But in order to have the emotional capacity to change and growth, I realized that first I must tend to my basic needs and create stability in my life.

Am I good now

I am so much better. Much more stable.
I'm not there yet, but certainly on my own path to a more resilient self and consistently feeling better. I may still experience a down every now and then, but overall the stability allows me to dedicate more time towards my mental health and growth.

When I do get down, I try to practice self love;
I ease up the day as much as possible and try take care of my physical self; sleep, food, getting out.
I try to avoid doom scrolling and call someone if thoughts become too much and I feel on the verge of spiraling.
I might go on a walk outside, with music in my earbuds, and try to focus on the sensations in the moment. Perhaps sit somewhere pleasant and journal to try to understand what brought me down.

Healthy soup isn't consumed in one gulp, so I try to be patient with the process.

Stability As Baseline

What do I need for stability

To establish a baseline for growth, I sat with myself and identified the following eight basic needs:

Sleep - eight hours and an early bedtime set me up for a good day
Exercise - workout that gets my heart going recycles my energy
Journal - processing thoughts and emotions helps me stay on track on my mental health journey
Eat - two balanced meals a day fuel me up and stabilize my mood
Report - updating my manager at work helps me feel more secure in my job
Socialize - spending time with friends keeps me connected and not so lonesome
Meet - talking with new people creates opportunity for new connections
Develop - working on a long term passion project adds greater meaning to my life

Seems like a lot? I hung a mood tracker board in my room for a daily check-in.

How do I maintain stability

It's always easier said than done. Here are some methods that help me meet my needs:

Sleep
Criteria: Turn off lights before midnight, wake up at 06:00.
This night routine help me avoid doom scrolling in bed:
1. Turn off screens
2. Brush teeth
3. Read book page

And this morning routine helps me get out of bed, and get out of the house:
1. Use bathroom
2. Brush teeth
3. Get dressed
4. Me time (journal, yoga or exercise)
5. Prepare breakfast
6. Prepare lunch sandwich
7. Pack backpack

Exercise
Criteria: exercise session that really works my body, twice a week.
It was challenging to find an activity that I really enjoy and makes me want to move my butt. Each week, I signed up to try three new movement classes. I focused on types of movement that I enjoyed in the past - in my case - dance and martial arts:
Contact improv, Zouk, Swing, West, Gaga, Fire dancing, Musical jazz, Blues, Hip hop, K-pop, Playfight, LARP battle training, Tricking, Kickboxing.
Trying new things sure has its awkward moments, but it also provides unexpected moments of discovery, joy and connection. Once I adapted to feeling awkward, I began to look forward to trying new things.

Journal
Criteria: write thoughts, emotions that come up in my mental health journey
I bought a fun notebook, put it in a visible place, and set a time in my calendar.

Eat
Criteria: eat well twice a day, trying to:

Eat home-processed food
Balance protein, fats, carbohydrates and vegetables
Minimize sugar and caffeine intake

I found it helpful to have the same breakfast each day, cook a large batch for the week, and take a sandwich to work.

Report
Criteria: update my manager on progress and short personal chit-chat .
I try to check in with my manager first thing every morning if they're available.

Socialize
Criteria: spend time with a friend.
I try to text people the very moment the come up on my mind, which occasionally leads to making plans together.

Meet
Criteria: learn a personal fact about someone new.
I regularly look for social events online via:

Hobby and interest groups - like improv, burning man
Cool venue pages - like Jazz house
Event directories - like facebook, google, eventbrite

Develop
Criteria: spend an hour working on a long term goal.
I try to make slow progress towards my 5-year goals:

Reach 1000 members in my playful circle
Be able to work from anywhere

Below is an example of a schedule outline based on my needs. Of course, a real schedule should allow for travel time, breaks, unexpected changes.

Addressing my Issues

What are my core issues

The week following my existential crisis, in parallel to creating a stabilizing routine, I began reflecting on my issues.
I made a list of all the main issues that bother me.
Then next to each issue I wrote "why" repeatedly, until I reached a core issue.

My core issues turned out to be:

Anxiety
Tendency to focus on the negative

based on the following symptoms:

Physical tension at idle times
Worry at idle times
Indecisiveness
Inability to instill confidence in others
Inability to be positive upbeat and humorous.
Inability to build confidence

and these impact:

Relationships with family
Relationships at work
Performance at work
Functioning during crisis
Partner attracting and approaching
Self actualization efforts
Bedtime

What is anxiety disorder

To be updated

How did my anxiety develop

To be updated

How do I work on my core issues

To be updated

shared with my loved ones

Google Sites

Report abuse